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Find Something To Live For

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Find Something To Live For

After the death of a child, I think it's important to find something to live
for as we tend to feel so lost, especially in those early days.  You
know, we talk a lot about time, about how long it's been since we lost
our child.  I understand why, we changed so very much that day, we
started a new life at that moment.  One without our child so we measure
time by how long it's been since they died.

We also talk about time in the sense of giving us time to heal.  In this
sense, I think we also have to do something with that time.  Time helps
to some degree by taking us further from that awful time but you have
to find something to live for during that time.  I don't mean that we
are in danger of taking our lives.  Some of us do, unfortunately, and I
am sure that almost every one of us has thought about it at least a
little bit.

I think for most of us though, we just lose our zest.  Maybe we don't
take care of ourselves the way we should.  I know I had to be much more
aware of how I was driving because I was easily lost in my thoughts. 
So, we have to find something to add meaning to our lives to help us
endure.  It's not just how long it's been, but what we've done with the
time that is important.

And it's hard.  At first, you don't want to go to bed because your mind
will race as you lie there trying to sleep, taking you places you don't
want to go.  Then, you sleep…and dream and you pray it's not a
nightmare but it will be.  Finally you sleep, but then you have to wake
up and face another day.  What an awful cycle.  It makes the days and
nights seem unbearably long no matter how much we do or don't sleep. 
Because you never wake feeling rested, unless you have goals. 
Something to accomplish.

You have to find something to live for and that isn't easy.  Find something
or someone that makes you feel good or gives you that drive to keep
going.  Many of us memorialize our children by helping others. 
Fundraising for the illness that took our child's life.  Taking up a
cause in their name.  Helping others that travel this lonesome road
with us.

Grief is a journey.  Don't travel aimlessly.  Find something to live for and
travel somewhere with purpose.  I honor my son by trying to help others
with this journey and becoming a kinder person.  I love my son and miss
him very much.  In time, I have discovered that helping others, helps
me.  For now, that is my purpose, my something to live for.


Mike Willhoite~David's Father

Written on September 15, 2008